You Should Hear Me Say 'Fallacious'
by JustMyLuckiness
Summary: Set early season 3. After Kate's response to his compliment about her vocabulary in episode 2.15 (Suicide Squeeze), Castle had an unexpected reaction. The end result is embarrassing for some and hilarious for others. Rated M just to be safe, but it's borderline T.


**A/N: Hello all! **

**This is just a one-shot that sprung out of a re-watching of episode 2.15: "Suicide Squeeze". Specifically, the line after Castle tells Kate her vocabulary is hot and she responds, "You should hear me say 'fallacious'. I was always a little disappointed the writers didn't develop Castle's reaction to that, so this is my effort. **

**As usual, I don't own the show, characters, or dialog you might recognize from the episode. **

**This is set early Season 3, after Castle's back and things between him and Kate are improving. **

**No betas were harmed in the making of this story. All mistakes are mine. **

**Enjoy!**

* * *

You Should Hear Me Say 'Fallacious'

* * *

Castle jumped.

What little sensory information was available told him that the room he suddenly found himself in – since he had no recollection of going into said room – was dark and silent. Attempting to move his limbs he found both his arms and legs were loosely bound to the hard, uncomfortable chair he was seated on. At least there was no gag in his mouth. Other than that there was nothing else he could tell about his surroundings.

For a brief moment he wondered if this was some prank carried out by the guys in retaliation for not calling the entire summer, but he dismissed that with a shake of his thankfully not pounding head. Something like this wasn't exactly their style. In any event he'd spent the night before alone with a single-malt trying to come up with a way to get Nikki and Jameson out of their current predicament and back into a soft bed.

With a flash that made him startle again, a row of lights directly in front of him turned on. They were pointed in his direction, creating a wall of light that had him squinting in pain at the sudden change from almost pitch blackness to blinding light. Silhouetted against the glaring intensity was a slim figure. More banks of lights activated, first to one side and then the other, until Castle could see there was a kind of runway in front of him.

As he strained to make out any more details of the figure, he could hear the first notes of a song start playing over some hidden audio system. He couldn't tell what the song was yet, but the music seemed to get things going. The dark figure started moving toward him. From the pronounced sway in the hips, he guessed that it was a woman. Thirty seconds of slow, deliberate strutting left him wondering exactly how big the room was that she took that long to approach him. The closer she got the louder the music grew until he could hear the rhythmic beat and smooth vocals of Wilson Pickett's _Mustang Sally_.

With every step closer to him, another bank of lights flashed on. As she got closer, he could see from reflected light tendrils of the woman's long brown hair hanging around her head and neck. A brass pole appeared in front of him suddenly. "How the hell did that happen?" he wondered to himself, since his voice seemed to be frozen.

The mystery woman kept her head angled down to avoid him seeing her face, but just when Wilson's backup singers belted out _'Ride, Sally ride', _the lights in the room somehow reversed their flow, illuminating the woman as she snapped her face up to meet his gaze.

Castle's jaw dropped open.

Kate Beckett stood in front of him in a grey full-length trench coat and a black women's fedora-style hat. Dark red lipstick focused attention to her gloriously full, pouty lips. Behind a pair of square-framed glasses, her eyelashes seemed to be six inches longer than they usually were. Her eye shadow, rather than smoky and dark, was somehow warm with flecks of gold that made the green in her eyes seem to glow.

When she dropped him a wink before tossing the hat aside and shaking out her hair, he lost the ability to form thoughts. His capacity to form words fled him when she backed up to the pole and slid down. When she faced him, licked her lips, and unbuckled her coat, he had to force himself to swallow.

Twirling each end of her coat's buckle in her hands, she started a slow, purposeful walk around the pole, cocking her hips and looking over her shoulder when she reached the other side. As she finished her turn, Kate faced away from him. She looked back at him again before he saw the collar of the coat slide down.

It wasn't that he hadn't seen dress shirts before. He saw them almost every day, in fact. But this was a sheer white button-down dress shirt. She turned to face him as the coat slid lower, showing how very few of those buttons were fastened. Before his brain could process the sight of her belly button and more cleavage than he could ever remember seeing, she dropped all pretenses – and her coat – revealing a tantalizing…_something_. When he was able to process thoughts again, Castle saw that she had a plaid green and black tie loosely knotted around her neck hanging between breasts barely held in place by a forest green bra. Below that was the smallest miniskirt he could imagine.

Just then a hidden wind machine turned on, blowing the skirt up to reveal dark green panties that matched her bra. Kate covered her mouth in a false show of surprise before pressing the skirt back down. Satisfied she had his full attention, she undid the pins holding her hair in place and shook it out, letting the wind machine blow it out of her face as if she was on a runway modeling the latest in sexy office wear.

She did a twirl, and he found his gaze dropping to what he could now see was a thong that outlined her magnificently sculpted ass. Castle had the fleeting thought that if she was lying down, he could bounce a quarter off of her backside.

Still angled away, she did a slow, steady bend at the waist, showing him exactly how little fabric she was wearing below the skirt. When she was at a ninety degree angle, Kate turned and flashed him a sexy grin, noticing the bulge in his pants. "Is that all for me, Ricky?" she breathed in a voice far huskier than he ever remembered her having before. At his open-mouthed nod, she let out a breathy laugh.

Walking around to the side of the pole closest to him, she leaned back against it before sliding down, spreading her knees outward. A blood-red smirk grew across her face as she evidently knew exactly where his attention was focused.

He watched as she got to her feet and walked slowly over to his chair. Kate leaned over, giving him an amazing view of her glorious cleavage. She grabbed his jaw, forcing his attention to her face. "Now, have you been a good boy or a bad boy, Ricky?"

"G – good boy," he managed to stammer out.

Kate gave him the sexiest eye-roll he'd ever seen, which was quite an accomplishment for her. "I doubt that. It's actually disappointing that you haven't been naughty."

It took a heroic effort for him to reply, "I'll be as naughty as you want, Kate."

That earned him a chuckle, but no further verbal reaction. Standing in front of him, she did another turn until her ass was directly in his eye line. She started swaying her hips from side to side like a metronome, hypnotizing him with her movements. When he almost slipped into an actual trance, she slowly sat back onto his lap. When her backside encountered the physical manifestation of his arousal, Kate gave a faux-innocent gasp. "Oh my! I always knew you had a mighty pen, but this is way more than I ever expected," she purred as she ground herself onto him.

Castle moaned, fighting to keep it from becoming a whimper. "Trust me," he squeaked, "I know just how to use that mighty pen."

Laying back against his chest, she kissed his neck lightly. "This is the only way I know you won't touch the dancer," she breathed into his ear. He moaned again, eyes glued to the view of her chest encased in the stunningly sexy corset.

With one more final grind, she leaned forward and reached between both of their legs. Just as he thought relief was on the way, she stood up and spun his chair around.

He blinked in surprise. Instead of a sexy stripper runway, he was now in a classroom. Still tied to the same chair, he faced a chalkboard. Instead of rubbing herself on his lap, Kate was now seated behind a massive wooden desk wearing the same white button-down blouse and skirt combination as before. Her hair was in the same pinned-up style it was on the catwalk. Now sporting black square glasses – which had to be fake since as far as he knew she didn't wear glasses or contacts at all – she was every sexy teacher fantasy come to life.

Kate had a book open, holding the pages in place with one hand and biting the end of a pen held in the other. _Oh what I wouldn't give to be that pen, resting on her lips like that,_ he mused. She threw him a wink around the book's cover and he could have sworn his heart stopped.

When she stood up, he almost died on the spot. She was wearing the charcoal skirt that fit the ensemble, but it was such a short miniskirt that it barely lived up to the name. There couldn't have been more than six inches of fabric between her waist and her thighs. As his eyes traveled farther down the sculpted musculature of her legs, Castle noticed she was wearing the same sky-high stilettos from the stripper catwalk.

_What the hell is going on?_ He wondered to himself as he struggled against his bonds.

She started walking towards him, swaying her hips and licking her lips. "Today, we're going to discuss proper comma use, subject-verb agreement, and how to avoid run-on sentences," she husked. The board behind her featured various grammar and structure rules in actual chalk. _I before E, except after C_, and the like covered the entire surface.

When Castle realized that she was not only a sexy teacher, she was a sexy English teacher, he experienced the overwhelming desire to rip their clothes off and take her. Against the board, on the desk, in the chair itself; the location didn't matter as long as they would be making passionate love. Almost all the blood in his body rushed to his groin and he struggled violently against his bonds.

She leaned toward him, giving him the perfect vantage of the cleavage not concealed by the barely-buttoned shirt. After a series of wet kisses up his neck to his cheek but studiously avoiding his lips, she stood up and regarded her captive. "Are you ready to be my star student today?" she asked.

Unable to respond verbally, Castle nodded furiously.

With a sultry smirk, she turned on her impossibly high heels and strutted back toward the desk, showing him exactly how short the back of her skirt was. When she got to the chalk board, she leaned over more than was strictly necessary, displaying the green thong from earlier as she erased the grammar rules.

Finally done, she faced him once more and licked her lips. "For our first lesson, we're going to conjugate all the expressions for making love."

"Oh yeah, Kate. Conjugate my brains out, baby," he was finally able to respond.

Off in the distance loud, raucous laughter broke their amorous stand-off and killed the mood. He looked around but didn't see anyone laughing.

There was another loud bang and a bright flash of light. Castle shook his head, suddenly in yet another new place.

* * *

Kate looked up from the seemingly bottomless stack of forms on her desk. The apprehension of yet another killer closing yet another case had generated her current workload. Since no one had ever managed to figure out a way to make paperwork magically disappear, she was looking forward to another long evening.

The commotion that caught her attention from the papers on her desk turned out to be Ryan, Esposito, and Lanie standing by the break room door. The boys were busy covering their mouths as their shoulders shook with laughter while Lanie's eyes were bulging out. The medical examiner looked dangerously close to losing control herself.

Curious, Kate took the excuse to leave the forms behind and went over to see what everyone found so amusing. When she got to the door, she saw Castle lying asleep on the couch. Normally that wouldn't be cause for such hilarity, but as she stood there, she saw his mouth moving. _Must be talking in his sleep,_ she thought.

Realizing who was standing there, Lanie tried to get her friend away from the scene. "Kate, you don't need to see or hear this. He's just talking in a dream."

Nonplussed, Kate stood her ground. "Oh no. After the stunt he pulled today, I want to see what's so funny."

Esposito put an arm around her shoulder and guided her to the open door in time to hear Castle mumble "I'll be as naughty as you want, Kate."

Her jaw dropped to the floor. Castle was having a sex dream about her! The chortling behind her increased in volume as the guys fought an increasingly losing battle to maintain their composure. Kate's heart sank as she realized the weeks of merciless teasing that lay ahead of her.

"Castle! Wake up!" she hissed, but he didn't even stir.

After a few more minutes of silence, she breathed a sigh of relief. The dream must be over. Now she could go back to her desk and figure out how to disappear into the floor; that or sending Esposito and Ryan on every dumpster dive she could envision.

As she turned to go hide somewhere, she heard his voice again. This time it was mostly unintelligible, but everyone heard the phrase "my mighty pen" clearly enough. The guys lost the battle and were openly laughing now while Lanie had to choke her mirth back.

From the heat in her face, Kate figured she was blushing enough to light up a fire engine. "Castle! Wake the hell up!" she said louder than before, but still there was no reaction.

The crowd behind her was growing, now including Karpowski and Montgomery among others. She watched in horror as Castle licked his lips and breathed, "Oh yeah, Kate. Conjugate my brains out, baby."

That did it. The dam holding back everyone's laughter broke, and the waves of guffaws almost shook the glass windows. Lanie's bellow was the loudest, and it wasn't long until she had tears in her eyes. If it had been anyone else, Kate was sure she would have been there with them, but the dream was about her. That and the fact that there were at least half a dozen precinct pools about if and when she would be dating the man currently having a salacious dream about her.

Roused by the laughter, he was stirring now, but she had lost all patience. This had to end now. Taking matters into her own hands, Kate picked up a gigantic hardbound dictionary that seemed like it weighed twenty pounds. Walking into the room, she stood next to the couch by his head. She lifted the book over her head and let it fall onto the tile floor. The impact sounded like a gunshot, jerking Castle awake so hard he almost fell off the couch.

He wiped the drool off his cheek and looked around the room with wide eyes. The fires raging in Kate's green eyes froze the blood in his veins, and with the laughter he heard from what must have been half the precinct behind her, he grew very afraid. "Um, hi, Kate. What's going on?" he offered weakly.

* * *

**A/N: It might be a little twisted, but that's where my sleep-deprived brain went after watching Suicide Squeeze again. I always thought Castle would be the kind of person to have a sexy teacher fantasy. Let me know what you think!  
**


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